Wednesday Wobble ~ Make art ~ Not War

I sat, reviewing a video I had made and had a “BANG CRIMPING” moment. I was all in my head, trapped in the inner turmoil of living with chronic illness (or as my thinking was that morning “this stupid, shit condition!”) and then, suddenly I gazed at and noticed the words on my very own shirt I was wearing in the video and the noticing stopped me in my tracks! “Make art, not war” my shirt said. Right there I realized that I was caught up in the cultural narrative of war. That’s where “war” starts, doesn’t it? In our inner selves, our inner monologues that have been coopeted by a capitalistic, control hungry narrative that relies on us staying in the trance of “war” and self-demise so that we keep numb, keep clicking, keep buying, keep stuck, thinking this is “safety”. This internal “war” that tells us we must compare ourselves with others, or that we need what we think others have, comparing our insides to someone else’s outsides, to be “better than” and that our “worth” is tied to our productivity; the internal turmoil that Iife “should look like” this idea we’ve been sold. We have been handed “war” and the idea of “strength” in “pushing through” and “overcoming” and being “successful”, but what do these words even mean!???... they're words based in competition with myself and that is not helpful... and so, a war starts within ourselves, an inner dialogue of separation, of anger, of “I wish”,

…. I do think its time, Beloved, it’s time to begin to call out this internal narrative of “compete. compete. compete. compare. compare. compare.” to see what it truly is: the verbiage of “war”, the verbiage that keeps us stuck in the trance of “not enough” and it is not our truth; it is not humane; if how we treat ourselves is not humane, how in the heck are we supposed to respect and treat each other’s humanity with dignity and kindness?

I live with a difficult condition and yet now have time where I could put my tired, dizzy life force towards art (the art of living, of painting, of reading, of writing, of watering the lawn) when I’m able and with lots of needed rest breaks, and yet "the war" continues in my own mind, this war created by a culture that ties your worth to your ability to produce. I have begun to discover that this war part is not "real" at its depths... the war part pulls apart and the art part creates and expresses... The war part holds a narrative of "never enough" and compete, the "art part" holds a narrative of “always enough” and connect... The "war" part says: you'll never be able to do this or that or the other thing, which tears you apart inside; the art part has room for grieving and then invites you into meeting yourself where you are and creating (which is very different than “producing”, as its not attached to needing to “make money” or “earn worth”…. “creating art” is living and moving and having your being in your eternal worth and blessed humanity) ... the "war" part makes you try to shove yourself into a little box of "should" and makes you try to get everyone else into this sad and shallow box (disguised as "right" and "love" and “safety”) with you.... The art “box” reminds you that the box is an illusion and always has been. Stinginess is war, spaciousness is art. Art invites you into the awe and wonder of your humanity. War punches your humanity in the face and makes you think you need to punch everyone else, too, and tries to force you into compliance telling you it's "strength"... In the verbiage of 90’s slang: “PSYCHE!”, war is not strength; community, connection, vulnerably, tenderness, and love are strength, are spirit, are our deepest truths and True Strength …

What the world needs now is our collective unlearning, and our individual courage to question, to call out when we find ourselves stuck in the repetitive inner verbiage of “war”, as we consciously choose to renew, re-work, re-write the narrative we’ve been handed into a verbiage of inclusive love, mercy, tenderness, and compassion; here humility and self-mercy will be needed. In the words of Maya Angelou, “when we know better, we practice doing better”, so “forgive yourself for not knowing something before you learned it” and begin to show up for your own precious humanity and for the precious humanity of all.

So, I sit and write and allow what I can do to be enough. I practice making art, not war within my own being and within how I practice living my one wild and sacred life.

Grace and Peace, Friends!